Nov
2019

Be My Eyes

categories: #bloglikecrazy, ASL
Eyes
Photo by Dboybaker

“A blind person is calling you.”

The notification popped up and I raced to unlock my phone and answer the call. The calls don’t come that often and there are hundreds of thousands of people like me waiting to help, so if we don’t answer quick they move on to the next volunteer.

I answered the call and was greeted with a live video of of multi-colored gaming dice, the kind you find playing Dungeons & Dragons or other RPGs (role playing games). I immediately got excited. A deep voice asked, “Are these green dice?” as a hand picked up some of the dice. “No,” I replied, “the green ones are a bit to the left.” They dropped the dice and moved their hand to the left, passing over piles of different colored dice until I told them to stop. They picked up some of the dice directly below and asked if those were the green ones with the purple numbers. I asked if they could pull the dice away from the camera a little so it could focus better so I could see the numbers. They did and I was able to tell they were purple numbers on green swirled dice. The caller was very happy and put the handful of dice into a white box that contained 6 little black boxes. They informed me they were heading out to a game and wanted those particular dice for the game.

The app is called “Be My Eyes” and it connects people who are blind or visually impaired to seeing people who can help them find what they are looking for. If you want to be a seeing volunteer (like me) download the app from the App Store or Google Play Store and register as a volunteer and then wait for a call. Like I mentioned before, there are thousands and thousands of us waiting to take calls. That is a wonderful thing for the callers because if a volunteer doesn’t answer in just a few seconds the call will roll to another volunteer until someone picks up. A caller may be in a time crunch and need help pretty quickly, so I appreciate that the app doesn’t waste time waiting too long for volunteers to pick up.

I’ve taken three calls so far in the few years that I’ve had the app. I’ve helped a woman put together her perfect job interview outfit (she knew what she wanted to wear she just needed my help finding a particular colored skirt in her closet), helped another woman get around in a place she was unfamiliar with (describing the room she was in) and today’s call. Today’s was by far my favorite: a fellow gamer who was happy to show me his dice collection once I shared that I was a newbie gamer myself.

I have no idea what it’s like to be deaf, hard of hearing, blind, or visually impaired, but I am trying hard to understand by learning American Sign Language and more about blind and deaf culture. Degenerative eye disease and hearing loss run in my family, so I’m sure I’ll get firsthand experience with them soon enough. But for now I am absolutely content learning and helping on the sidelines and being an ally wherever I can.

Click here to get more information about the Be My Eyes app.
Click here to get more information about ASL classes from Alabama Institute for the Deaf and Blind.

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Nov
2019

I Don’t Remember That

categories: #bloglikecrazy, health

I’ve wrestled with this issue my entire life (as far as I can remember): I can’t remember things from my past. I can’t remember how I met most of my friends, I can’t remember movies I know I’ve seen before, I can’t remember important milestones. I’ve gone on entire vacations and don’t remember any part of them.

I don’t know if it’s normal or not, but I definitely don’t feel like it is. (What is normal anyway? lol) I talk to friends who are able to tell me detailed accounts of nights we’ve spent having fun at the beach and they can’t believe I can’t recall any of it. I’ve had former roommates recount numerous tales of us living together, but I don’t remember any of them. I believe them, of course, because I’ve been like this my entire life. But sometimes it really upsets me that I can’t seem to remember my own life. I am grateful for all of you who put the pieces together for me when needed and don’t judge me for it. But if you’ve ever wondered why I take so many pictures of anything and everything now you know. I take pictures so I can look at them later because I know I likely won’t remember it. I have thousands and thousands of pictures documenting good times with friends, family, or just something I want to remember later.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely blank inside. I do have memories; they are just few and far between considering my life span and the amount of experiences I’ve actually had. I have snippets here and there of when I was younger and lived in Wisconsin with my mother…those aren’t that great. A previous therapist believes that may be when it all started – she thinks I may have learned long ago to block out things as a coping mechanism (for what, I have no idea) and that may be a possible explanation as to why I can’t remember as much as other people. But it also may just be that I don’t pay attention to details as much as others. It could be any number of things. But I do have memories of the rest of my life…with my dad, the my family, my friends, and the like. The more recent the activity the more likely I am to remember it. But sometimes the memory loss really comes in handy….I can see the same movie three times and it seem brand new to me every time. It’s almost like “50 First Dates” in my head some days. lol.

In all my years of therapy I have learned two things about my condition: it doesn’t affect my work and it only affects my life and no one else’s, as in I remember things and details about those close to me. Again, therapy suggests it’s because I care about those close to me so much and want to ensure I’m listening to them when they tell me things or when things are happening to them.

So, now you know that I’m not an airhead, I just have a crappy memory. lol. I try very hard to remember things, especially if you tell me something. But, if I do forget and have to ask again once or twice, please understand why and don’t be upset. Now, who wants to go see a movie? 😉

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Nov
2019

Saying Goodbye to the Love of Your Life

categories: #bloglikecrazy, dog
Picture of Millie
Photo by Liesa Cole

It’s been six months since we said goodbye.

I didn’t leave the house for the first five or six days save a session with my therapist. She was great – very empathetic and said just enough, but not too much. Just sat there when I needed to just sit there.

Back to the subject….you. My baby girl. I likely won’t remember what happened years from now so I’m writing it down.

About 2:30 a.m. one Saturday morning you fell off the bed trying to get down. I heard you flopping around on the floor and woke up. I went to pick you up and help you stand up and you couldn’t stand on your own. Your legs didn’t seem to work anymore. I tried a few more times and nothing. So I scooped you up and woke up Daniel. We both tried a few more times, but it wasn’t working. You weren’t crying or anything and didn’t seem in pain…you just couldn’t walk. You also couldn’t go outside/stand up to pee, so proceeded to go in the blanket I had you in and all over me. I got your doggie diaper out, put it on you, and decided we’d take you to the vet first thing in the morning. 

We were there at 8 a.m. when they opened. The vet looked at you and felt a bunch of stuff around your back and didn’t think anything was broken. You have arthritis really bad and he thought the arthritis in your back took a hit and maybe pinched your back in a few places. He thought you might get better with some anti-inflammatory and pain meds and wanted to try that for a few days and let him know. He wasn’t sure if your legs/walking would ever come back. That was my first torrential downpour.

We took you home that Saturday and started your medications. We cuddled you all day and night. We had to go to the store to get diapers and other things for you, so we put you in your kennel with lots of blankets so you wouldn’t flop around the hardwoods. When we returned we found you pinned underneath the front bars of your cage with blood on your face, where you had tried to get out. You had a cut on one side of your face and it looked like a possible puncture on the other. That was my second torrential downpour. We cleaned and disinfected your face and looked up what to do online. It didn’t look bad enough to need stitches, so we decided to take you back to the vet on Monday if it didn’t improve.

Your legs and back seemed to be doing a little better with the meds the vet had given us. You were kicking some when lying down and seemed to be trying to walk the more we stood you up. Monday I noticed one of the wounds began to smell a bit. By Monday night it was pretty strong smelling and you were crying out in pain so I decided to take you to the vet first thing Tuesday morning.

When I arrived Tuesday morning the same technician who had helped us on Saturday came and took you from me and asked what was going on. I explained everything and authorized whatever needed to be done to be done. She took you back and said the doctor would examine you and call me. He called a bit later and said he wasn’t sure if the wound was a puncture from the bar or an abscessed tooth or what, but he didn’t want to put you to sleep to find out the condition you were in. He said you seemed worse off neurologically than when you were there before and your legs weren’t getting any better. He felt putting you to sleep was risky in your current state (and you’re also 15 so I always get nervous about that).

He asked if we had thought about future plans for you. Daniel and I had talked about if briefly…if you didn’t get your legs back we didn’t want you to have to live life like that…lying around everywhere….floppy headed….us having to hold your head up for you to eat and drink. That’s no kind of life. I told him that’s what we had discussed and asked him if that’s what he was referring to. He confirmed. I told him we’d be there shortly. He said we didn’t have to do it today, that we could keep you for a day or two, that he had you on good pain meds. But I didn’t want to just love and cry on a doped up zombie of my dog for two more days when I knew what was coming anyway. You had been through enough. Daniel and I went up there and the vet explained what was going to happen. They brought you out to us. We took you outside because it was sunny and you always loved the sun. We hugged you and whispered sweet things to you while he gave you the injection. Then he listened to your heart and told us you were gone.

I cried for days. I didn’t leave the house for a week. The hardest things are the routine things….taking you out to potty before we go somewhere….hearing you tap down the hall to meet me when I walk in the door……not seeing you curled up on the bed when I come home and walk in the bedroom. I see you everywhere – STILL. I am still unpacking things of yours and finding little mementos of you everywhere.

I know it’s going to be ok and I’m going to be ok. It just takes time. And we had each other for such a long time…longer than any other relationship. You outlasted them all, baby girl. I hope I gave you a good life. You were my everything, the love of my life. It’s been six months and it’s a little easier. I still think about you every day and no, I’m nowhere near ready for another dog so please stop asking (the peanut gallery).

I’ll see you again one day and I’ll make sure I bring Baxter. In the mean time have fun with TJ, Cody, Mikey, Teddy, Pepper, Perky and Scooter. I love you.


Nov
2019

Dreams

categories: #bloglikecrazy
Lady sleeping
Photo by eflon

I’ve been having very strange and vivid dreams lately. I regularly have interesting dreams and usually dream in color, but these are different. These have been a lot more intense and some have triggered (or possibly been triggered by?) things from my past. I’ll give you a few examples.

One dream was about kidnapping and just before I was about to get taken for human trafficking I yelled hoping someone in the vicinity would hear me and come help. I actually yelled in real life and woke up my husband who immediately checked to see if I was ok and see what happened.

Another dream was at the house I grew up in where my father still lives. It was set in the present day because I no longer lived there, but still visited. A guy kept showing up to see me whenever I visited my dad. I didn’t really know him..he was friendly, but I was perturbed that he kept showing up at the house. I didn’t know what his intentions were and that bothered me….I had only met him once before. The last time he visited me at the house he brought a huge camel balloon or something of the sort that he wanted to give me. I wouldn’t take it and asked him to leave. After he left I also left in the car to go somewhere. I couldn’t remember if I locked dad’s house so immediately needed to go back to check or lock it. I wanted to make sure he didn’t come back and try to break in if the house was accidentally unlocked. But, or some reason, I could NOT get back to his house. No matter what I did, every road I tried to take back was impassable. There was an accident, construction, or the road was just gone. It was crazy. I don’t know if I ever made…..

My favorite dream was this one because I *think* (felt) like I purposefully and consciously kept going back into the dream over and over. It was at the Alabama Theatre or a beautiful theatre like that and I was there sitting next to Kristen Bell. There were people dressed up everywhere, strange animals that talked (horses, camels?), and celebrities walking by speaking to her (and sometimes me. lol). We were sitting in the back row at the far right of the theatre near the entrance/exit. She was on my right and there was another famous actress that I like on my left, but I can’t recall exactly who it was…maybe Melissa Joan Hart.

Kristen was so kind. I told her about how my friend met her somewhere at an event and got a picture with her and she immediately (and very kindly) started posing for a selfie with me even before I got my phone out. Then we started taking all kinds of pictures together. A horse (usher) eventually came in and told us they were roping it off and no one else could come in. I think the show or whatever was starting

Now here’s the crazy part – every time my alarm went off and I woke up (in real life) I would hit the snooze button to go back to sleep to get back in my dream so I could hang out with Kristen some more. And it worked!

Have you ever been able to go back into a dream after waking up?