Tag: Life

Where I’m From

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Thank you to Javacia for the writing prompt in her blog post today. Here is my poem:

Where I’m From

I am first from my mother
I am from blank space and lost time
I’m from the projects and welfare
I’m from from stealing and spankings

I’m from abandonment and alcohol
I’m from anger and ashes
I’m from hell and heaven
I’m from heartbreak and goodbye

I am from my father second
I am from discipline and ambition
I am from perfection and love
I am from understanding and gifts

I am from the world third
I am from abuse and invasion
I am from sex and lies
I am from tragedy and recovery

I am from myself last
I am from unicorns and rainbows
I am from smiles and laughter with champagne and cheers
I am from happiness and hope with gratitude and grace.
I am from myself most.

What’s Your Story?

If your life were made into a movie TODAY, what would your story be? Not where you hope it will be in five or ten years, not coulda shoulda wouldas, but right this second. My condensed version would go a little like this:

ADORABLE, precocious tow-headed girl who loves to get into mischief, read her grandpa’s cards while he’s playing poker, makes cakes in her Easy Bake Oven and go to rummage sales with her grandmother every Saturday. The little girl leaves her mother’s family while still young and becomes a stellar student after moving to her father’s in Alabama. Her precociousness continues well into the teen years, where all she does is listen to music, fall in love with boys, talk on the phone, call into the radio to win contests, and play trumpet while also trying out for every auxiliary position in the band. Upon graduation, she leaves the nest for college and later meets a man whom she will marry. They live a simple, happy life for a while until she realizes she’s still got some growing to do and sheds her cocoon as a beautiful butterfly. Sadly, she and the man must part, but it is amicable and full of love. She then ventures away from home to Virginia where love waits for her. She makes friends everywhere she goes, but the friends she made in Alabama when married and the friends she meets in Virginia prove to be the most vital in her short life so far. They remain steadfast no matter what storms come and help her through may tough times. She returns home to Alabama to be near family when she meets a goofball who makes her laugh and holds her hand in public. She snatches him up and doesn’t let him go. That’s where her superficial story ends…..

What you don’t see are her struggles with abandonment, body image, eating disorders, self-esteem, and the need for attention.

What you also don’t physically see are the scars from battles she’s won. She is beautiful – inside and out – and wins the war with the enemy everyday. She is happy, generous, caring, simple, loving, nurturing, supportive, and has a laugh that could fill a cathedral (she’s loud, ya’all!).

No matter what you think of her (good or bad), she’s making it; she’s living life to the fullest and doing it her way. She’s not apologizing for the way she feels, and she’s shouting from the rooftops that SHE IS AWESOME. She’s also telling the world that YOU ARE AWESOME. She wants to hear your story. She wants to share your story. What is your story? Let’s shout it together!

Courtesy of Adam Baker at Flickr Creative Commons
Courtesy of Adam Baker at Flickr Creative Commons

I wish I had known then…

what I know now. Don’t we always hear that? Isn’t it always the truth? Years bring experience and experience often brings wisdom. If I could go back, I would tell my younger self a few things:

  1. It always works out. Maybe not the way you had hoped, but it always works out.
  2. The pain subsides and eventually fades. It may never fully go away, but it definitely diminishes with time.
  3. You’ve never been more beautiful.
  4. Don’t dwell on the past. Learn your lessons from it and move on. It does you no good to wallow in it.
  5. Be true to yourself. That’s the greatest gift you can give yourself and others.
  6. Give more than you get in everything – love, charity, forgiveness, etc.
  7. Hold your dear friends close for as long as possible. The years may ebb and flow, but you will always need your friends.
  8. Be thankful – let it radiate from your being.
  9. Ask for help when needed. Don’t try to do everything yourself or hold everything together alone. If you need a hand, a shoulder, a ride – ask. People aren’t mind readers, but they are usually more than willing to help if you ask. And just because they don’t offer doesn’t mean they don’t want to.
  10. Listen to this song and LISTEN to this song. It has more truths in it in five minutes than you may learn in fifty years.

I want to be a better friend to you

With the sudden death of a dear friend and an even more amazing husband, father, and entrepreneur, I’ve realized that my friendships lack the quality they should. Growing up, I suffered from serious FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and befriended every person within reach so I would always be included and invited. As the years have passed, I’ve learned to lessen my grip on always having to be involved though I still suffer from it more than I’d like. I’m also extremely nosy, but that’s a post for another time.

Now I have a trillion wonderful friends that I see or talk to in real life very little. Most of our interactions are, of course, via social media and email now. When we do get together it’s just playing catch up on the latest happenings in our lives. While I enjoy getting to catch up, I realize our conversations lack substance many times. They’re “superficial” to put it bluntly. I love being the cheerleader for my friends and raving about their recent accomplishments and milestones, but where are the real talks? I’m to blame as I always just ask what’s new with them. Why don’t I ask the harder questions? Why don’t we talk philosophy, religion, politics, life experiences? I’m not 100% certain what I want to ask or what we should discuss, but I do know it’s more than just what we did last weekend or our recent move. Don’t get me wrong, I love catching friends up on our lives and hearing about theirs, but where are the 4 hour conversations about life? When did we get too busy to waste an afternoon just waxing poetic with those we love about the world?

So be ready because the next time I see you, it may be a lot more than “What have you been up to lately?”

 

Birthday Eve

I’ll be 38 in less than an hour (as the crow flies). Rather than get reflective and nostalgic on this birthday eve, I choose to look forward. I can honestly say that this year has been the best one of my life – already. It’s taken these 37 years to figure out who I am and who I want to be. To figure out what I want to do with my life and the type of person I want to share it with. To figure out what I will settle for and what is too important to sacrifice. I’ve grown each year, but more importantly, I’ve learned from my mistakes to make my life richer, more purposeful, and more rewarding. I am still learning – everyday. I hope the day I stop learning is the day I die. I hope to build a loving legacy in my next 38 years and far beyond that. I hope to make a difference however I can by helping whoever I can. I hope….and I will.

Here’s to 38, dear readers. I hope you’ll join me in knocking it out of the park. Here we gooooooo!

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.